My story with a toxic INFJ coworker

Hiba Louati
5 min readJan 29, 2021

Last year I participated in a startup competition, it was online due to covid- 19, anyways, one day, I was scrolling down the other participants’ posts, trying to network and have fun like a typical extrovert, I came across a cute interesting post by some guy with a warming invitation to join his team cause he got an “incredible “idea, he said something about needing a creative writer so I immediately sent him a private message, expressing how excited I am to enter this adventure with a great flexible team ,we managed to convince 2 other girls to join us so we can be a legitimate team and officially be a part of the competition, it was frustrating cause we struggled finding participants who are actually interested in his idea, we bonded during that time, I found out he was an INFJ, I was very happy, I thought I was blessed cause they had a pretty good reputation as a type, what really caught my attention is his way of talking about the other 2 members of the team and relationships in general, he said something about hypnotizing people to love him, doing some tricks and manipulation to win every argument, I didn’t’ take it seriously, looking back I know I was stupid, well, I didn’t take it seriously cause I didn’t think he is actually applying these methods, cause I know myself I say a lot of weird things but I never act on it, besides, I didn’t’ want to judge him cause he opened up to me, so, I let it slide, we had an ENTP girl in the team, she was so criticizing, she was always late, she would purposely ignore our messages, she barely gave any ideas, I don’t know if it is a common thing for that type to do but I tried to like her so badly, I could not, fortunately, the INFJ was a real hard worker, basically, there was only the 2 of us who really tried hard to make it work with the other 2 members, one of them obnoxious and blunt and the other one was bossy and lazy, imagine the combination of those 2 traits, in one person, yes, we suffered!! the INFJ and me, in this stressful time, I was beginning to run out of energy as the rhythm of the competition started to increase, I was diagnosed with RA, I had pain in every inch of my body, I was only 22 years old, I kept giving the same amount of effort and tried to uplift the team even by faking being positive, until, something happened, I and the INFJ started to like each other (i thought he liked me, I don’t know actually up to this day) I said to him something about me having a problem with controlling my negative emotions in the workplace,i was talking about how hard it is to see your team as a family and your vision as your own baby while you only getting disappointment, one after the other, so I tried to be rational and tried to manage my own feeling with his help, I really thought maybe I am the problem, maybe, I set the bar too high for them, maybe I am being too emotional, so while I was expressing my worries to him, he took all of this as a love confession from me to him, I think in his sick mind he thought I was talking about how much it is hard for me to work with him while I have a crush on him , he didn’t try to investigate further, he just assumed that, so he told me at the same time that he liked me, I know that this answer has nothing to do with what I was talking about to him, but, I was surprised in a good way, I started to think, maybe I liked him too, so, one day, we were laughing about how cute it is the way we confessed to each other only to find out that he thought I confessed first, and I tried to explain my self to him when he finally realized it, he went on and said that he didn’t like me anyway from the beginning, he just wanted to keep the harmony of the group and keep me productive by saying to me what he thought I wanted to hear, I was shocked, I mean, how can anyone do that just for a stupid ,competition, he got us into an unnecessary emotional mess, I felt deeply disrespected and hurt, not about the fact that he didn’t like me, but the way he played with my feelings, he is very dangerous, I remember I lost trust in him, I started to doubt his true intentions, and literally, scared of what he can do to people just to succeed in life, I through all of this behind my back and convinced my self that this is my chance to act professionally and learn how to really control my feelings, I put the goal of ending the competition successfully in my top list and continued being a positive, energetic, and productive member of the team, until, I was again shocked by how he started treating me in front of other members like I was some kind of trash, he would say harsh and hurtful words to me in private messages and act cold and blunt in public messages,even the ENTP girl ,felt sorry for me and started to defend me , like he was the one who hurt me and now he is taking revenge ?!, I realized that this isn’t going anywhere, the team sucked, I was getting more sick, no one cared, the last message he sent to me was “ of course you re going to quit, that’s what you are good at”so I removed our group on FB, blocked him on FB, this whole experience lasted 4 months of suffering, I realized through it how strong I was and how much I was willing to give to the world, the next day, I woke up, feeling so proud of myself and I was sure that my decision was the best decision I ever took in my entire life! so whoever is reading this” don’t compromise your own mental and physical health just for the sake of assuring yourself that you conform to society’s definition of being strong and worthy!
Finally, what you think my type is?

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